The missing comes slowly, like aging does, comes quietly in the night while sleep clings to my lashes and cheekbones and mouth. One day I woke up and everything was different. I could see people I’d run into by accident, snatches of grass or dirt or hair or more skin on an arm or calf after stepping out of the shower. I am made of missing, of constantly reaching and yearning for places seen but never visited, people thought of but never met. I am a half-finished crossword puzzle, a ten letter word for ‘a deep, pensive, long-lasting sadness.’ The words still get caught in my throat, still cause cramps in my fingers and lodge themselves in my knees and in my ears like cotton balls. All I can hear is the faraway chorus of the ocean just barely beneath all that cotton. I am the red lipstick stain left behind on the cooling cup of coffee, forgotten for the sake of a child’s cries. The pieces, the shards of glass, the snapshots of a life, scattered and ripped and swept up, swept away. I am homesick, seasick, peoplesick. I am all ghost, hardly any girl. I fade. 

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